Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
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Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
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this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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