What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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