is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize