Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
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No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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