And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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