u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Please, let me fuck your mom
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
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Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
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Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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