does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
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Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize