I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize