I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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