Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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