the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
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Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
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My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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