Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize