is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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