she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
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I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
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I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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