I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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