Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
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Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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