Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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