Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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