I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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