3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize