Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
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Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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