wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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