My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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