if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
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There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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