Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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