I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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