Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
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Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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