Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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