just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He? As in you personified your dick?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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