Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
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I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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