Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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