Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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