I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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