So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
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Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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