are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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