im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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