When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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