I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize