I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
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Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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