no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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