There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
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My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
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I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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