I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
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I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
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I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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