My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize