Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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