I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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