Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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