I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
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i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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