my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize