it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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