In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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